


Ours

by Virtual_Reality



Series: Steve and Bucky through the years [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Best Friends, Bucky Barnes Feels, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I'm Sorry, Idiots in Love, M/M, Making Love, Not Beta Read, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sassy, Steve Rogers Feels, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:06:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3676794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Virtual_Reality/pseuds/Virtual_Reality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Part 3 of NSFW OTP Challenge!</p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Ours

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3 of NSFW OTP Challenge!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Steve was in Bucky's arms; warm and safe, and right where he belonged. His body ached from the fight he'd gotten himself into earlier, and Steve was sure he'd have plenty of bruises to show for it, but his mind couldn't focus on anything but Bucky.

Bucky was leaving the next day. Off to England to fight, the date had seemed to sneak up on the two of them, and Steve wasn't ready to let him go. He'd already lost him once to boot camp, and it was hell, and he wasn't ready to let him go again. Not indefinitely. Wasn't ready for the separation. For not knowing if Bucky was sick, or hurt, or even alive. For the anxiety, and the loneliness, and the fear. He needed Bucky. But right now, there was a war going on, and Steve knew it was necessary, and he respected that, and supported him one-hundred-percent.

That didn't make it hurt any less, though...

They sat in the window seat, curtains drawn, and the midday light seeped through the sun bleached fabric, bathing their skin in its warm glow. Bucky pulled Steve in closer, nosing into his golden hair as he tucked his face against his neck. "I should be going with you," Steve whispered, his slender arms winding around the Bucky's waist as he settled between his thighs.

"Don't be stupid," Bucky whispered, fondly. They'd had their fight, they'd been through this. The gentle chide was merely quiet tolerance of Steve's insanity. "I'd worry about you too much." He pressed a kiss to Steve's temple.

Steve looked up, and Bucky leaned in. Their foreheads touched, and Steve let out his breath in a huff, "You'll worry anyway, stupid."

"I know," Bucky's fingers snuck just under Steve's shirt to caress the bare skin at his waist, and he grinned, "Can't help it. You get into more trouble than any one fella can keep up with."

Steve's fingers grasped the hair at the nape of Bucky's neck, and smiled, though it was painful. This was serious, Bucky was leaving, and Steve may never see him again. "I'm the one who will be worrying."

Bucky gave in first, and closed the distance between their lips, cupping his jaw, and enjoying the smooth slide of Steve's mouth against his own. The way his long graceful fingers twisted in his messy dark hair to hold him close, even after their kiss ended, rubbing the tips of their noses together. "You don't need to be worrying about me, Steve." Bucky's lips were still close to Steve's, nearly touching, "I've had my training. I'll be careful. You know I will."

Steve frowned, and glanced up at him from beneath his lashes, letting out a long breath that ruffles his hair, "I'll worry anyway."

Bucky sighed, and bit Steve's pouting lower lip, because he was making this hard. Steve tried not to smile when Bucky pulled back, but he can't help it, and Bucky kissed him again. A slow, intimate kiss that had Steve leaning into his arms. He let his fingers caress Steve's face and neck. He broke away, and Steve grabbed ahold of him, and hugged him tight. "Damn," Bucky smiled, arms hovering around Steve, trying to find a place to rest. "I'm gonna miss you, punk..." He tried to ease Steve back, but he just held tighter - like a scared child clinging to their mother.

Bucky rubbed Steve's back, trying to comfort him as best he could. It was Bucky's pulling away again that made Steve realise he had to let go, and he does, wiping hastily at his eyes, hoping Bucky wouldn't notice. Bucky gave him one look, and pulled him back in.

He noticed.

"Oh, Steve." Bucky swiped a thumb across his cheek, catching a tear, "None of that, now." He whispered. "We'll be back together before you know it."

"I wish I could believe you, Buck," Steve rested his hands on Bucky's shoulders as he settled onto his thighs, "but you know you can't promise me that. If somethin' happens to you... Or if I get sick..."

Bucky shrugged, ignoring the stab of worry in his chest. Right noe, he has to be the strong one. For Steve. For both of them. “I'm damn near convinced you'll never die.” He rubbed his husky cheek against Steve's clean shaven one, and he placed a hand over his heart, "beside so I'll be right here." He whispered, "We'll see each other again. I know it."

"Bucky..." Steve said softly, placing his smiling mouth against his jaw. "That's so corny," he laughed, and it sounded painful, "I'm going to try again- to enlist. So I can go with you."

"Hey," Bucky said, softly, and Steve could hear the emotion he was trying to hide in his voice, "You have to be strong now, Steve. You can't keep enlisting, especially when I'm not here to get your ass out of trouble."

"Feeling doesn't make you weak, Bucky." Steve frowned, "I love you, but you can't stop me from trying."

Bucky sighed, he doesn't want to fight. He leaned back against the wall, and held Steve safely against his chest, "I'm not lettin' you out of my sight at the fair tonight."

"You'll sure try." Steve allowed, softly, "Don't underestimate the things I can get away with."

Bucky could only chuckle, because Steve was right, damn it. He let his fingers pinch Steve's ass in retaliation, and Steve grimaced at him, but it was softened with a smile.

"Buck-" Steve started, and took a steadying breath before he tried to continue, "Hey, Bucky, I... I only have you for one more day. I want to be with you."

Bucky was silent for several moments, and Steve pressed soft kisses along his jaw. Holding tight to his resolve, fighting down the swell of anxiety in his chest at Bucky's silence.

"I'm right here, Steve."

"Well, yeah," Steve said softly, "I know that, Bucky, I meant..." His face flushed, and he changed tactics, leaned in, and trailed open mouthed kisses down Bucky's neck, hesitating, then loosening his tie with shaky hands, opening the first button of his crisp uniform shirt. His lips paused at the dip of Bucky's throat, where he'd been licking and nibbling.

Bucky inhaled slowly, his fingers tightening on Steve's hips minutely, a key in a lock, each pin slowly falling into place.

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

"In that way..." Bucky pulled back to meet his eyes. An unplaceable emotion flickered across Steve's face, gone as quickly as it'd appeared. He blinked, his voice but a breath, when he tried to speak again "Steve... Are you sure?"

"If I only get to try this once, I want it to be with you," Steve's hand are fumbling, twisting nervously Bucky's hair, "We may never get another chance, Bucky..." His eyes dropped to his lap, "Only if you want to... I'm, um... I'm just- me... Just... Don't say yes just because it's what I want, because that's, um... That's not what I want..." He finished, quietly.

"Steve..." Bucky's hands loosen from where they've gripped his hips. "You already know I want you." Bucky rubbed a hand through his hair, "But honestly, can you make this a little more awkward for me?"

Steve chuckles, looking away, "It's really bad, I know..."

"It's awful." Bucky agrees, "Are you sure you're ready for this? I don't want you panicking when I'm not here. It's a lot, and if you regret it in the morning, I won't be here-"

"I won't!" He said quickly, biting the words off, "I- I'll be fine." He finished, quieter

Bucky was silent for several moments, filling his cheeks with air, and letting it all out in a huff "Alright." He decides, "I'll try." He leaned in, bringing his mouth up close to Steve's.

Steve was instantly lightheaded, leaning back slightly as Bucky's lips chased his. He hadn't expected him to give in so easily, though he probably should have, and he felt a little foolish for the moment of panic when Bucky agreed so readily. This is what he wanted, even if they're taking it further than Steve had ever imagined possible.

Bucky smiles. Stilling when he was out of reach, "We don't have to." Bucky whispers when Steve hesitates. "What we have is enough."

Steve wasn't ready to admit he was scared, but he was. He only hoped Bucky would understand. He put on a brave face, and leaned in for that kiss.

Bucky humors him for a few kisses, before drawing back gently, he doesn't want Steve to try and prove anything to him, that's not the right reason. Steve might feel the need to show everyone else what he's capable of, but he's got nothing left to prove to Bucky. Any idea Steve can summon up, Bucky knows twice over. He knows Steve better than anyone, and Steve knows him in the same way. "Hey," Bucky lowers his face to put his eyes on the same level with Steve's, and gives him that sweet dimply crooked smile that Steve knew was his - the smile Bucky saved exclusively for him. "You're my best friend, Steve. We could completely screw this up, and it would still be perfect because it's us. There's no pressure. You know me."

"I know." Steve says, and he feels a little better. He knows he can ask Bucky to stop, or slow down whenever he needs to, but he's still anxious. He doesn't want to seem weak in this, but intimacy is vulnerable, and this was dangerous on so many levels, and he can't help himself. Their moment is lost, and the air seems to thick to breathe, and Steve wonders if the tension will ever dissolve. 

Bucky starts slow, with a kiss, smiling at him, reassuring, trusting, loving, and Steve thought, for the first time, that Bucky might be as afraid as he was. His thumb brushed along Steve's cheekbone, and he gave another kiss, then smiled, a little embarrassed. "Would it be okay if we didn't go to the bedroom right away?" Bucky asked, seeming hesitant, "I'd like to take my time."

Steve let out a breath, and nodded, relieved, settling in Bucky's lap more fully, and kissing the corner of his mouth, "Sure, Buck."

If Steve wasn't so comfortable with Bucky, he couldn't have managed it. He couldn't have handled the tension that hung in the air, but this was Bucky, and Steve knew, no matter how far they went, that it would be enough, because it was him.

Their first few kisses were clumsy and sweet, and Steve giggled like a dame when Bucky grabs his face, and kisses him squarely on the mouth after a moment of fumbling, forgetting for a while that he was nervous at all, content to kiss Bucky forever.

Then, it settled in his mind, what he was asking of Bucky.

Bucky, who was a good man. Bucky, who liked girls - who could have a good, happy, normal, legal life. Bucky, who should be tangled up in some dame tonight, being sent off to England the way so many before him have gone, in a flurry of flowing dresses, scanty lace nightdresses, and red lipstick. Bucky who was, instead, home with him, kissing him like a man dying of thirst, tasting water for the first time, and drinking deeply from Steve's lips. It was overwhelming, but only because he can't believe Bucky loved him so much.

A soft whine escaped his throat, and Bucky cupped his neck, gave him more, and his hands shake a little, and Steve's emotion was tight in his throat. It was too much, and at the same time, not enough. Everything was Bucky, and Bucky was his, and Steve is weak with need, and overwhelmed with the fact that he already had it.

Their lips part, and Bucky makes a soft, needy sound, and leaned in before he could get too far, every inch between them feeling like a mile, every second their lips were apart, an eternity, and Steve wondered how they could ever stop. How they ever lived without their lips touching, how he could ever breathe without Bucky.

How he would breathe when Bucky left him.

Steve's fingers slipped through Bucky's dark hair, and Bucky's lips were hungry against his. Starving. Needing, and Steve couldn't give fast enough, so he let Bucky take what he wanted, offered it up willingly, let him have everything.

There were tears, tears that Bucky wiped away without breaking their kiss, holding him tenderly, their sweet exchange wavering between pent up desire, and passion, and the quiet, tender, love they shared. Steve only wishes he could understand how he can he love someone as much as he loves Bucky. How is there enough space in his tiny body to hold so much emotion. He felt like his heart may burst, but Bucky was right there, one arm curled around his ribs, holding him together, another wiping his tears away, soothing him, even as he knew he was the reason behind them.

Steve was at peace with Bucky's leaving, but saying goodbye was never easy.

Bucky's lips leave his, instead, pressing an inch below, kissing his jaw, his chin, tasting the tears that had gathered there, down his neck to the dip between his collarbones, then the hot swipe of tongue along his throat as he brought his mouth close to Steve's again. Desperate, like he needed him to breathe, even as Steve squirmed to get closer, needing to feel every inch of Bucky against his body: already starting to feel the hollowness in his chest, the ache in his throat, already missing him, feeling lonely, needing that final piece of him that was Bucky. Needing him to fill that void.

"Is this what it's supposed to feel like?" Steve's lips quiver against Bucky's neck, and his voice catches, choking on the words. His hands grip in Bucky's shirt. "Why does it hurt so bad?" he whispered.

Bucky's hands curled around slim hips, his lips touched Steve's forehead, a stuttering inhale, a sharp exhale, a hesitation. "Are you afraid?"

Steve swallowed, "A little."

"We need to move away from the window." He eased Steve out of his lap, and stood, "Don't want anyone to catch us… I want to know you're safe here when I ship out tomorrow." He took Steve's hand, and led him to the bedroom, leaving no room for argument.

The curtains were drawn, the doors, bolted, and the light turned off before Bucky turned to him. He could still see him, the light outside seeping through the curtains just the same, but he felt less exposed now.

Standing before Steve, who'd perched himself on the edge of the bed, Bucky unbuttoned his jacket, and Steve had to resist the urge to touch himself. It was the uniform, Steve was sure, he couldn't help how hot it made him. Steve's eyes locked on Bucky's instead, though that only helped minutely, he was quite unable to watch him strip down. He busied his shaky hands with removing his own shirt

Bucky moved forward, sat beside Steve, not smiling, not speaking, just looking at him in a way that sent heat rushing through Steve's body. Looking at him like he's something beautiful, like he's trying to see into Steve's soul. It's as if every ounce of longing Bucky's ever suppressed is shown to Steve at once, and he's melting beneath the heat of his gaze, and though Steve is still fully clothed, he feels the intensity of that stare deep within him, and he's exposed for Bucky, and it's not a vulnerable feeling, it's a powerful feeling. A deep connection Steve can hardly understand, but when he leans back, Bucky leans with him, pulled closer without any conscious effort, and when their lips touch, Steve's not thinking anymore.

Bucky's hands are at his waist, tugging his shirt free from his trousers, and he shivered, keeping his eyes on Bucky, feeling that stare in his bones, in his blood, in the heat rushing between his legs. He's so hard, and it feels good already, the stirring of arousal. Every breath on his skin like a touch deep within him, and his body responds without effort.

There's a foot of space between them, and Bucky has to lean forward to reach his lips, so it's no surprise when he was pulled in tighter, held closer, and suddenly, they’re kissing. Their eyes close, and Bucky's hands are everything Steve knows.

Bucky pushed the suspenders off his shoulders, and reached for his belt, lips gentle, hands steady, and sure, and Steve's heart jumped in his throat, and he broke away.

A gentle kiss was pressed in his hair, and Bucky's hands slid higher on his body, almost apologetically. Asking forgiveness for losing himself in Steve, though it's the best feeling Steve's ever known. "I'm sorry." Bucky gasped, "Too fast?"

"No, no," he let his hands slide over Bucky's back. Oh, how he loved Bucky's strong, muscular back. He took a shaky breath, "I like it."

"Don't be afraid to tell me to stop." Bucky whispered, loosening his belt, "I don't want you to feel pressured."

"I'm fine." Steve whispered, honestly his hands sliding back up his back, over his shoulders.

"I know," Bucky kissed his cheek, wrapping an arm around him, and slowly laying him back. "but I don't want you to regret this." He whispered.

"I could never..." Steve promised, reaching up to pull him close. "I won't."

Bucky tugged the blankets down, and rested beside him, just like he did every night. Then, pulling the blankets up over the both of them, and curling up with him, wedging a thigh between his legs, pulling him close, holding him gently.

Bucky cupped Steve's jaw, giving him a slow, tender kiss, fingers flicking each of his remaining buttons open with ease, then slipping past Steve's now open shirt to caress his body through his thin, white undershirt. The familiarity reached him through the haze of arousal, and drew him back to earth gently.

"We gonna do this?"

Steve felt close to panic, or maybe excitement, it was hard to tell the difference when he's nervous, but he pushed past all that, nodding, "I want to."

Bucky's hands slid under his shirt, over soft skin stretched too tight over rigid bones. The curves and edges that were Steve, and Bucky loved them. His movements were leisure, and it felt good just to be close to him, to feel his skin, his breath, his warmth, to lie together, accepting the feelings as they came, not trying to fight them, not hiding them, but letting himself feel.

Their legs were already tangled together, so all Bucky had to do was shift over him a little, and press his hips forward to afford a little friction. Let Steve feel him, gauge his reaction, rub against his thigh a little, Bucky pressed his face into the pillows to muffle the little sounds that bubbled up inside him. If Bucky had known this was what Steve had wanted, he would've taken little steps with him throughout the week, learning to touch each other, becoming comfortable with the idea of intimacy. Instead, they're jumping head first, and it's scary, and adrenaline packed, and Bucky can't get enough.

Steve's usually pale skin was flushed, and he gazed up at Bucky with wide blue eyes, pupils blown with lust, lips parted, chest heaving with each labored breath, not quite gasping, but enough to make Bucky pause. He leaned forward, cupping Steve's face in his hands, "Are you okay? Is this... Okay?"

Steve nodded.

"Tell me if you need a break."

It wasn't a question; not really, but Steve nodded anyway, "Okay, Buck."

Bucky nodded once, leaning in to kiss him.

Steve's hands fumbled through the last of Bucky's shirt buttons, and Bucky laughed softly, breaking their kiss to help Steve undo the buttons. "Relax," Bucky pants, "It's alright." He smiled at him, and Steve felt weak, the softest of whispers sending shivers down his spine, "I'm not going to disappear. This ain't a dream, babydoll."

Steve hooked fingers in Bucky's tie, pulling him in for a long, deep kiss, stretching up to meet him halfway. His mouth was pliant beneath Steve's, slow, and passionate, and he felt like he could feel the intensity of Bucky's emotion coming off him in waves, each movement fueled by affection, as well as attraction - love, as well as lust. They broke apart.

"Stop calling me babydoll, damn it."

Bucky chuckled, low and husky, and shifted, settling between Steve's legs, hovering above him. He placed his mouth on Steve's neck, and lavished attention on the skin he found there, kisses, and licks, and love-bites, trailing them along his collarbone. His chest, his shoulders, trying with each touch, with each kiss, to show Steve how beautiful he was. How perfect he was. How much Bucky wanted him. Kissing each of his ribs, tonguing a rosy nipple, nibbling a little when Steve murmured happily, making him gasp, instead.

Steve buried a hand in Bucky's messy hair, pulling him in for another kiss. He slid his hands down Bucky's back, pulling his button down off as he went, sliding it down his arms, letting his fingers caress the bare skin he found there, lean curves, and hard muscle. Strength, and power, and beauty. He continued over the curve of Bucky's ass, pulling his hips down, one hand retreating to pull Bucky in by his tie, and Steve kissed him. Hot, and wanting, coaxing the same response from Bucky, all teeth, and tongue, and he wrapped his legs around his hips, urging him down, using the same leverage to lift himself up and press their clothed erections together.

Bucky choked on a breath, and pressed right back, pinning Steve tight against the bed, and grinding against him, partially in retaliation, partially unconsciously, a reflex to the pressure on his aching member.

Steve gasped, sobbing a breathless, "Shit, Bucky..."

"Shhh," Bucky pulled his tie off, tossing it aside, and smiled in spite of himself, letting his eyes take in the sight of Steve laid out beneath him. Bucky's hands slid down his sides, and slow, and deep, they kiss He pulled Steve close, holding him to his body, lifting him off the bed, and rolling them.

Bucky landed on his back with Steve sprawled over his chest, the blankets twisted around them. Steve sat up, quickly, on Bucky's stomach, a slim leg on either side of his waist, his hands splayed on his bare chest. Bucky smirked at him, and relaxed back into the pillows, his hands caressing Steve's thighs. "I wish we- But maybe... Maybe this is enough..."

"What are you talking about, Buck?" Steve's hand carefully trailed up his chest, cautiously, as if he was afraid Bucky would change his mind at any moment.

Bucky took the hand as it touched his cheek, kissed his palm, and pressed it to his heart, which was racing, "I do want this... Want you to have this... You can touch me, Steve. It's okay..."

"Is it... Me?" Steve's arm curled around his ribs, "Am I too-?" He looked down at himself.

Bucky shifted, pressing his clothed erection against Steve's ass, reminding him just how interested he was, then sucking in a breath when Steve wriggled his hips, giving him a little friction. "Yeah. Okay."

Then, without another word, they were peeling the last of their clothes off.

Steve blushed as he worked his way into Bucky's trousers, though Bucky never flinched as he removed Steve's. It was awkward, even though Steve had seen him naked lots of times - when he had intent. When they weren't undressing for him to stay warm, but for a different reason entirely. When he was actively helping with the undressing. It was different.

Bucky tucked a finger in Steve's briefs, and Steve's face flooded with heat, but he shifted to help Bucky pull them off, then Bucky pushed his own off as well.

Skin on skin, Steve could feel Bucky's full length pressed against his ass, fully hard, and hot. He flushed, his body heating, and he rocked his hips, earning a soft moan from Bucky's kiss swollen lips. Bucky touched Steve's thigh, his eyes fixed on Steve's dick, resting heavy, and untouched between his thighs, waiting for his consent.

"Please," Steve whimpered. Bucky hadn't even touched him yet, and he'd whimpered. It drove him crazy. He wanted it. He wanted it so damn much. "I want it, Buck," he jutted his hips forward temptingly, "Please."

Bucky's lips curled slightly at the sight, and he took him in his hand, a firm, calloused grasp, practiced. A man's knowing touch, and Steve arched at the long awaited feeling, and it was beautiful: his head tilting back, his eyes squeezed shut, his parted lips trembled minutely, a soft groan escaping his exposed throat, and Bucky has to rock his hips a little to get friction. It seems too amateur, and desperate to rub off on Steve like this, but it's enough. This is perfect. It's beautiful, and passionate, and enough. He stroked Steve faster when his hips started to rock, watching the way his perfect slender body moved with apt fascination. He'd never looked at Steve this way before, and he'll never have enough of it.

"Bucky. Bucky, can you-?"

Bucky's eyes lock with Steve's, and he flushed.

"I want-"

"Shhh." Bucky pressed his lips to Steve's for a few seconds, "What's wrong?"

Steve ducked his head, "Nothin', Buck... Just... I was hoping- Can we- do more?"

"I- Of course, but, I've never... It may hurt, Steve. I really don't know anything about... Doin’ things... With other fellas."

"I trust you." Steve whispered. "I want to know what it feels like."

Bucky groaned obscenely, "Shit, Stevie... I really don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

"I might-" Bucky reasoned.

"It'll be fine, Buck. I've-"

"Steve...."

"Listen," Steve insisted, "I can take it-"

"You don't know that."

"I wouldn't have asked if I was worried-

"But, Steve-"

"Just do it, Buck."

Steve watched the irresolution pass over his face, before he finally sighed, squaring his shoulders. He'd found his argument, "What if you hate it, Steve?"

Steve blushed, deeply, and waves his fingers a little, "I've... I used my fingers before... Sometimes. I kinda, uh, I like it..."

Bucky's mouth dropped open, and for several moment, he just gapes at him. "Really? You...?"

Steve blushed, ducking his head, and smiling, shyly, "I... Practiced. I wanted... Wanted to know how it felt." He trailed off.

Bucky cursed, "Show me?"

Steve shifted off of Bucky, giving him a hesitant look, before he straddled him again, his back to Bucky's face. He sucked two fingers into his mouth, stealing another backward glance at Bucky, letting his fingers slip out of his mouth, "Is this okay?"

"Oh, yes." Bucky's voice is hoarse, "This is very... Yes." Steve smiles, arching his back so he can slip his hand back to rub at his opening, pressing one of his delicate fingers inside.

Steve moans, and it makes Bucky's mouth dry, and the hand Steve has closed around his dick abandons its movements to grip Bucky's instead.

Bucky holds Steve's hips, kneading his perfectly round ass in his strong hands while he watched Steve finger himself gently. He wasn't wet like a girl, and he wonders if it hurts. It must hurt... Some Vaseline would definitely help, Bucky's sure of it.

"Bucky," Steve sighs, and it takes his attention as he slowly presses another finger inside himself. He moans, "Oh, Buck."

Bucky feels something possessive ignite inside him at the way Steve moans his name. Just knowing he'd been on Steve's mind every time he's touched himself like this made Bucky hot. Steve moved those two fingers inside himself slowly, and Bucky watched, entranced. Steve's hand on his dick matched the slow pace, and Bucky's throat is dry as he tries to remember how to breathe.

"Steve. Steve, honey. Stop for a second, baby." Bucky mumbled, and Steve paused.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, sweet thing," Bucky whispers, and these endearments would be the death of Steve. "Let me get you a little something to make it easier, yeah?"

Steve's first instinct was to say no, because he thought Bucky meant alcohol, but then he shifts Steve off his body, and walks, gloriously naked, to the bathroom, returning only a minute later with a small glass jar, it all makes sense. Vaseline. Of course. Oil would've been ideal, but Vaseline would work. It was less expensive anyway.

He gives the jar to Steve, and he takes it warily.

"Did you like it?" Steve asks, suddenly unsure after the moment of solitude.

"Yes," Bucky doesn't hesitate, "I really liked it, Steve."

"Good." Steve whispered as Bucky laid him back on the bed again. "I'm a little scared." He admitted, "That I'll do something wrong, and you'll get mad."

"No, baby. Hey." Bucky kissed his forehead, between his brows, "Relax. I liked it. I just wanted to get a little Vaseline to make it easier for you." Their foreheads touched, "Besides, you could take me in a fight any day. Easy. You got nothin' to worry about."

Steve shakes his head, "I could never fight you, Buck. You're my friend."

"You'll never have to." Bucky whispers. "I love you." He knelt between Steve's thighs. "Try the Vaseline, yeah? I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Okay, Buck." His tiny hands are on Bucky, moving him in place again, and hitching his legs over Bucky's shoulders. Bucky opened the Vaseline, pausing a moment to press his mouth to Steve's jaw.

"Only do what you're comfortable with."

"Okay, Buck," he took a shaky breath, and relaxed into the soft bed. He wanted this. He wanted Bucky's lips on his skin, hands searching, stretching him open. Bucky inside him... The thought seemed impossible, but soon, it would happen! It was perfect... Bucky was perfect.

"You're damn beautiful." Bucky whispers, and he gives Steve the jar. Steve tried to refuse it.

"Will you?"

Bucky hesitated, because he hasn't considered this, but he's willing to try. "I, uh... Sure, ah, hold it for me?"

Steve took it from him, and Bucky takes a moment to pull the blankets over them before dipped shaking fingers into the jar, taking a steadying breath, resisting the urge to ask Steve if he was sure for the thousandth time, before moving his slick fingers to his opening, he's gonna get him nice and wet this time.

Steve shivered, and grinned, "It's cold."

Bucky chuckles, "It'll warm." He promises, letting two slick fingers rub against Steve's entrance, and Steve squirmed, and whimpered, letting his eyes slip shut, relaxing his entire body, preparing himself for the intrusion, just like he'd practiced. Focusing on the gentle circling of Bucky's fingers through the haze of his arousal, trying not to press back. He looked up after a minute when nothing happened. Bucky still looked uncertain, his eyes focused intently on what his hand was doing.

His free hand rested on Steve's belly, and Steve reached to rest his hand over it. "It's okay, Buck." He whispered, meeting his eyes for a moment, "Go ahead."

Bucky bit his lip, and nodded, making sure he had enough Vaseline to make the intrusion as painless as possible, he slowly pressed the first finger inside. Steve hissed under his breath, and his fingers tightened around Bucky's.

"Does it-" he swallowed thickly, "Does it hurt that bad?" Bucky whispered, sounding strained.

Steve peeked up at him, "Nah, it's- fine." He puffed a laugh, and tried a reassuring smile, holding his hand properly. "A little strange when someone else does it." Steve took measured breaths, relaxing as much as he could before whispering a hesitant. "Keep going." Bucky's fingers are bigger than his, so he knows it's going to be a lot harder to take two of them, but he's already a little stretched from his own fingers, and he's sure he can take it.

Bucky actually listens to him, and pressed another finger inside, always slow, always careful, but Steve still flinched. It burned. He stretched him slowly, the ache sharp, and uncomfortable, but bearable and he worked to keep his expression carefully neutral, casual, and when he looked at Bucky, he remembered why he was doing this. He'd endure any level of pain for Bucky. He loved him too deeply for any less.

He moved his hand from Bucky's to stroke his wilting erection, hoping to ease some of the pain, and Bucky groaned softly in response.

"What?" Steve asked breathily.

"You."

And Steve really did try to make sense of that. "What?"

"You're touching yourself."

Steve smirked, "Feels good,"

"It's making me hot."

And if that wasn't nice to hear, Steve was lying. He loved this attention, drinking it in as though he'd never receive it again, and though Bucky tries not to think of going to war as a death sentence, for many, it was, and he's not exempt from statistics, this may be the last time he gets to give Steve the positive attention he deserves.

Bucky bit his lip, and twisted his fingers, trying to cause as little discomfort as possible as he went deeper, past his knuckles. He paused whenever Steve flinched, waiting for him to adjust before continuing. He watched him closely, because Steve was stubborn, and wouldn't tell him if he was being hurt... He watched his eyes, for any sign of tightness, or resignation, but the clear blue he gazed into was pure, transparent honesty. He saw a flicker of pain every now and then, but then, reassurance. The soft flutter of his lashes, a slow sigh through pretty pink lips, a word of comfort, just something small to make him relax.

He sighed, turning his face a little to kiss Steve's inner thigh, "You're beautiful."

"Oh, Buck... Keep doing that." Steve murmured, smiling a little bit. watching lazily through his lashes.

Bucky's mouth curved into a dimply smile, and he pressed another kiss to his skin, trailing them up his thigh, slowly, kisses overlapping. Teasing. Full of the hot swipe of tongue, and the barest hint of teeth, Steve made a soft desperate noise, his hips stuttering, and his fingers tangling in his hair, the whimper of Bucky's name on his trembling lips.

Kisses were trailed all the way up his thigh to his hip, and Steve moved both hands to his hair, massaging his scalp. Bucky didn't stop, and Steve whimpered with need, the pain from being stretched mixing with the pleasure of Bucky's mouth and Steve just couldn't focus anymore because Bucky was getting closer to that spot, and Steve's face was red hot, and his breathing was quick, and he wanted to squirm away, but he wanted to press closer.

Bucky stills, and Steve's erection is pressed against his cheek. Steve's hands move from Bucky's hair to cover his own face, and he looks over to the nightstand where his inhaler lies, and he prays he won't need it. His heart is racing, and his breathing is quick, and ragged and he doesn't want to stop for anything, asthma or not.

Curiously, Bucky turns his head, just a little, pressing a kiss in the bed of coarse dark hairs at the base, then again, teasing with his lips a little bit, and Steve's breath hitched with a little sob of pleasure.

Bucky closed his eyes, and kissed along Steve's length slowly, trying not to think about it too deeply. He got braver with each kiss, giving a little more, a little wetter, a little more open, he was careful of his teeth, but the heat of his mouth... He knew it felt really damn good to have someone do this for him. He pressed a kiss to the very tip, swiping his tongue over the slit, earning a soft moan. He hesitates, the taste of Steve on his tongue, and draws back. That was a bit much.

Steve sighs.

Steve sighs, and Bucky's stupid competitive mind takes that sigh as a challenge. He's never left someone unsatisfied, and he's not starting today. He takes Steve in hand, working his wrist slowly, leaning down, and mouthing the tip, tasting him, and accepting that, teasing him with his lips and tongue the way Bucky likes. He didn't want to think about girls right now, but his brain wracked itself for what that one girl had done for him, and what had felt good. Basically everything; lots of tongue, lots of friction, lots of sucking, no teeth.

Steve gasped, and whimpered, so Bucky didn't stop, twisting his fingers inside him all the same, pressing them all the way in, gently fucking him with them, but distracting him with his mouth.

He kissed down Steve's length, hesitating only a second before he licks a wet stripe along the underside. Steve groaned, his breath catching, and Bucky took the very tip of his dick in his mouth, careful of the sharp edge of his teeth, and moved slowly. The slow friction would drive Steve crazy, but it's all Bucky trusted himself to do.

Steve writhed beneath him, his body flushed with arousal, sounds of pleasure spilling from his lips: moans and gasps, mixed with his name.

Bucky pulled back to look at Steve, who is staring back at him, a picture of desire and bliss, gloriously undone, and panting. Bucky needs to slow down so he can breathe. "Feel good, Stevie?" He quirked a brow at him, and smirked because he knew Steve was nearly incoherent.

Steve groaned, "Yeah, Buck." He whispers, and knows he must look a mess, but above him, blue eyes shining, Bucky looks like a dream.

"Can I..." He fell silent for several moments, trying to find a good way to say it. "Are you... Ready?"

Steve took a deep, slow, sure breath, "Yeah."

Bucky paused a moment, before drawing his fingers out, and dipping them in the jar Steve still held, slicking the greasy substance over his aching member, and moaning softly. The friction was almost painful, but it was still, so good...

"You need to relax." Steve whispered, screwing the top on the jar, "Please."

Bucky huffed a breath, and leaned his forehead against Steve's shoulder. He rubbed himself for a few minutes, releasing some of the tension that was coiled in his body. He was still unsure, but it was Steve, and he knows Steve. They trust each other, and maybe, even though he's scared, they can do this.

Bucky pressed two slick fingers inside Steve. Just... Double checking, because he was nervous, and he wasn't sure he did everything right, and Steve was waiting. He was still loose and ready, and Bucky's body was ready, even if his mind was chaos.

His body usually won, though.

He drew his fingers out, trying to find the best position, until Steve finally pulled him over his body. Bucky made minor shifts, folding him neatly in half, and Steve pulled Bucky down for a quick kiss, but when he tried to break away, Bucky chased his lips, giving him a slower, tender kiss before positioning himself:

"Open your eyes for me, Steve."

Steve did, his eyes dark and intense with arousal, but Bucky could see the nerves past his brave face. His expression softened when he saw Bucky, a bit worried, but loving and affectionate all the same:

"Watch me take you..."

And slowly, he pressed into him, and he was so hot, and so tight, Bucky might cry.

Steve gasped softly, and whimpered. It hurt. It hurt a lot. A lot more than he anticipated, stretching him farther than he'd ever tried to attempt by himself, and he reached for his Bucky, needing the reassure of his touch. He kept his eyes, brimming with tears, locked on Bucky's all the while. It really, really, really hurts, and he almost wanted to make Bucky stop. To curl up against him, and be held until the pain stopped, because now, he wasn't so sure he could do this anymore. A few tears trickled out of the corners of his eyes, betraying him. He took a ragged breath, and he had to look away. He can't. He just can't. His body trembled, and he let his eyes close, letting the tears fall freely.

Bucky was there. He was leaning in instinctively, a hand stroking in his hair as he kissed Steve's tears away. He whispered soft soothing words of comfort, focusing all his attention on Steve. Helping him, even as he was hurting him.

Steve took a deep breath, and flinched. It even hurt to breathe. He's still not so sure he can take this, but they've already gone this far... "How-" Steve broke off, taking a shaky breath, "How does it feel?" His voice trembled, even as he spoke.

"Good, Steve... So, so good. It's... Oh, my god... It's- you feel amazing." He took a deep breath, his eyes fluttering shut a moment. He almost felt guilty for the amount of pleasure Steve's body gave him while he was giving so little in return, but he desperately felt the need to tell Steve that all this pain wasn't for nothing.

Steve shifted a little, and Bucky made a strangled sound, and he froze, channeling every ounce of his focus into not tightening his muscles as he tried to find a comfortable spot. He flinched, and sank into the mattress, sighing in resignation, it was just going to hurt... That's all there was to it.

Bucky cupped his cheek gently, brushing another betraying tear away with his thumb, and the tenderness in his eyes told Steve that he would never intentionally hurt him. "We don't have to do this. I'm not blind, Steve, I know it hurts you."

"Just- please, start slow?"

"Okay," Bucky agrees, "But tell me if I need to stop." and slowly, he started moving. He pulled out slowly, just an inch or so, pushing back in all the same, a slow rock of his hips, and as Steve relaxed, the movements slowly became easier, more fluid, but it still hurt. It hurt so bad.

Bucky spread Steve's legs a little more, and leaned over his body, letting Steve have a moment to shift and adjust, his hips jerked reflexively at the friction, and Steve gasped, tears stinging his eyes. Bucky stroked him gently, kissing his forehead, "I'm sorry," he says, "How bad does it hurt? I can stop."

"I'm okay," he breathes, "It's getting better."

"Steve..." Bucky looked tortured, "Don't you dare lie to me," he wet his lips, trying to control his breathing, "I want it to feel good for you, too. This is... This is not what I wanted."

Steve sighed, "Just keep going, if it doesn't get better... We'll stop."

Bucky pushed himself up, and lifted Steve's hips, supporting his weight. He rocked his hips slowly, his pace staying fairly even, though a hard thrust would sneak it's way in every now and then, no matter how hard Bucky worked to prevent them. It just felt so good... He found a spot Steve seemed to like, and rolled his hips, picking up a short, shallow rhythm. He groaned softly, "How's that, sweetheart?"

"Fine... I'm fine... Keep going." Steve moved a hand to touch himself. The pain wasn't sharp anymore, though it left a dull ache, and even though what he was feeling wasn't entirely good, it wasn't all bad, either.

Do you want me to stop?"

"No," Steve sighed, his breath catching, "Keep going, it doesn't hurt that much."

Bucky propped himself up a little more, and kissed Steve's sweaty forehead, lifting his hips, and bracing him against the mattress, wondering how something could possibly feel so good to him, and so bad to Steve. Steve's body shifted a little bit with each rock of Bucky's hips, little grunts leaving his lips with each exhale. It still hurts a little, that didn't change, but maybe that was just part of it, and he's not exactly surprised by that... Bucky was so big, stretching him open so far, his body could barely take it, but when he started to feel the hot tingle of pleasure, it was worth it. "Right there..." He murmured, "That's good."

Bucky let out a shuddery breath, "You will be the death of me, Steve Rogers."

Steve's hands grasped at Bucky's shoulders, "Not too hard... Don't-" he exhaled sharply, "Don't stop."

Bucky stopped, the bastard, "Does it hurt?"

"Well... Yeah." Steve huffed a laugh, "But it feels good."

"I always knew you liked getting hurt," It was dry, and a little bitter, but Bucky picked up the slow pace again, "Shit. You feel so good, Stevie..."

"You, too, Buck," Steve breathed. He clutched to the other man's shoulders, his body rocking with each of Bucky's thrusts, slowly gaining momentum as his pleasure built. It wasn't quite as pleasurable as he imagined it would be, but if they ever had the luxury of practice, Steve believes it can only get better from here.

Sparks shoot through his body like fireworks, some of pleasure, some merely adrenaline, tingling in the pit of his stomach, and stirring heat that made his body flush. He stroked himself, though he doesn't truly need it to call this enjoyable, the reaction it brought out in Bucky was worth it. He tried to keep his eyes open, tried to focus on the man above him. He didn't want this memory to be a blur of pleasure, he wanted the slow burn of their passion to brand itself in his mind. He wanted to remember the way Bucky's face looked as he struggled to control himself, so overwhelmed, and vulnerable, rapt in the pleasure that Steve knew pulsed through his body. He wanted to remember how Bucky's eyes, screwed tightly shut, fluttered open to lock on his, how the soft blue was darkened with pleasure, but still managing to hold such tenderness, and maybe, they were even a bit moist. He wants to remember how his lips look red, and shiny, and swollen from their kisses - how he did that! He put that look there! - how the rhythm of his breathing as he pants short, thin breaths, the corners of his lips quirking up just a little, his mouth drawing into a grimace as he tried to contain his pleasure.

Steve let his fingers push through Bucky's short, sweat matted hair, brushing it back from where it stuck to his forehead, then trail over the hard muscle of his shoulders and arms. Bucky was so beautiful...Still like a dream to Steve, though he was far from put together now, mussed, and messy, and every inch breathtaking. His hand ran down Bucky's chest, and he thumbed a nipple curiously, watching the faltering of Bucky's carefully composed features as he tried to focus on Steve in return. Steve knew his memories of this moment would be sharper than Bucky's, but he's almost glad Bucky's enjoying this so much he can't focus. That means a lot to Steve.

Bucky moaned quietly, a thick, broken off sound, and he shivered. His muscles ached, burned from the exertion, but Steve was tight, and warm, and the friction was good. Better than he'd imagined. Heat coiled in his abdomen, and the pleasure made his head spin, and he can't take it anymore. He adjusted their position slightly, and adopted a quicker pace. This was everything he never knew he couldn't live without experiencing, and one day, if he makes it back home, he'll let Steve have a turn with him. It's only fair, and he knows Steve would love it, being in charge for a change, it was in his nature to love such a thing, and it brings such fondness to his mind, he can't help but want to open his eyes and see Steve. He sacrifices the speed he'd like to keep to cup Steve's face for a few minutes, stroke his thumbs across the sharp cheekbones, press a kiss there, enjoy the heat spreading through his body, and for a moment, ignore the less sober part of his mind urging him to move faster. This is Steve, and he wants Steve to remember him, to know that no matter who Steve ends up with, no matter who he takes to bed in the future, that Bucky was his first, and Bucky will always love him, no matter what happens to either of them after this, because after today, Bucky was leaving, and even if he comes back, things could never be the way they were.

Steve gasped, drawing in a ragged breath, "Bucky," he whimpers, then swearing too loudly, his breath catching, and he squirmed, "James." He forced out, cursing again. Sweat dripped down his body, and his breath caught in a soft cry, "I'm almost.... I'm gonna.... "his entire body gave an involuntary jerk, and Bucky picks up the pace again because he hadn't realized Steve was that close.

His breath hitched, and he arched, his voice caught on a moan as he fell back into the mattress. Bucky was still moving, prodding a spot inside him he didn't even know existed, sending wave after wave of bliss pulsing through him. He was overly sensitive, but didn't want it to ever stop, and though he knew the best was yet to come, he almost regretted the end of it all.

His body was trembling as he gripped himself, giving a few clumsy strokes, pushing himself closer and closer to the edge, his vision was already clouding, his body clenched, and before he could stop, wait, warn Bucky, it was there, and it was glorious.

He couldn't get enough air, and before he knew which way was up again, Bucky kissed him, and Steve threw his arms around his neck, kissing him like it was his last chance - the last time he'd get to feel Bucky's mouth on his, the last time he'd taste the salt of his sweat, and the honey of his lips.

Steve let his hands touch Bucky wherever he could reach. His hair, his neck, his chest, trying to give him as much extra stimulation as he could. Wanting to bring him to the edge, too, but he's suddenly too sensitive. A shift of his hips does the trick, and Steve's mouth left hot, wet trails over his collarbone, sucking a dark hickey on his neck. A souvenir. A reminder of what they'd done for when Bucky was so far away from him. Somethin' to keep the dames off him for a while, though Steve knew it'd happen eventually. A small price to pay for their moments together.

"You'll think about me when I'm gone." Bucky panted into his neck as he lost rhythm, his movements becoming more erratic as he lost control, "You'll feel me when you move. I know you will."

Steve groaned at the thought. He'll be so sore tomorrow... A souvenir of his own to remind him of Bucky, "I know, Buck..." He whispered, "I'll like it... Feeling you whenever I move... Whenever I sit..."

"Oh, my god, Steve." Bucky groaned.

"I'll be sore all over," Steve murmured, "I'll remember how good it felt to have you inside me."

"Shit, Steve..."

"Feels so good, Buck."

"Gonna come inside you, babydoll."

"Right... Okay."

That was it. Once, twice, and he was coming. He gasped, burying his face in Steve's neck, and trembling through the pulses as Steve held him, gasping, shaking, riding it out in semi paralysis.

He felt like it lasted forever, like he can't drag his head up, too heavy. Too tired. So good. "Steve..." Sweat clinging to his body, tingling on his skin like the sweet lingering pleasure. "Steve...." Panting, breathing in the smell of Steve's shampoo, tasting the sweat lingering on his skin, "Oh, Steve. Damn."

Steve groaned, "Oh, you can just shut up right now, James Barnes. That's enough out of you. I'm mad."

Bucky laughed into his neck, "Why? Wha'd I do, Stevie?" He bit Steve's shoulder gently.

"Don't you ever call me babydoll again, James Barnes. I will kill you."

Bucky smiled, and kissed the corner of Steve's mouth, "Since you asked nicely," Bucky tucks his head against Steve's shoulder, "No."

Steve made a soft sound of disapproval, but it had no fire behind it. He nestled his face in Bucky's hair, and let himself be held. "Jerk."

"Punk."

Steve sighed, he didn't know how he was going to walk tonight, and if it weren't their last night together, he wouldn't go. "Can't you stay home?"

"I'd love to, Stevie, but I'm s'posed t' meet a girl, and I gotta catch the train at eleven."

Steve's jaw tightened. He hated the necessity of Bucky's dates to cover their tracks.

"Don't you wanna come with me?" He nibbles Steve's jaw, "See what the future will be like? One last adventure with me?"

Steve's chest tightened. "I'll go, but it won't be our last adventure."

"Of course not." Bucky kissed his lips sweetly, "Join me for a bath? You're a mess."

"You're a mess." Steve mumbled, and let Bucky scoop him up in his arms, and carry him, "I love you."

"I love you, too."


End file.
